Ritual Objects for Early Birth
So often early birth / pregnancy loss is seen as a highly medicalised event that should be quietly and quickly managed - or otherwise hidden behind closed doors, shrouded in the same societal expectation that tells us to avoid sharing our pregnancy news until it is ‘safe’.
But what if it didn't need to be this way? What if joy and grief were seen as valid expressions across all phases of the reproductive spectrum? All pregnancy experiences and births held tenderly, with love, ceremony and care?
Below I’ve curated a list of special objects to support ritual, ceremony, and softness before, during and after an early birth / pregnancy loss - tangible items to create intentional space for these very human experiences.
While these are not must-have items, they are intended as a prompt for you to consider how you might honour and incorporate personal rituals to support your early birth. Ritual really is about meaning making, and anything can be a ritual object if used with intention. You may even be able to find some of these items - or other meaningful objects - from what you already have at home.
Whether your pregnancy was very much wanted, or you’re feeling a sense of relief at its ending — weaving ritual into your experience honors what you have let go of, and what you’re moving through. Rituals can mark the closure of a chapter, the crossing of a threshold, and the integration of all our parts. x
Note: I use the tem ‘early birth’ in place of miscarriage, as I feel this language better encompasses (at least for me) the experience of pregnancy loss. Early birth can also include abortion / intentional pregnancy release and termination for medical reasons - and I hope that within these nuanced, human experiences you honour your own pathway, however that looks for you.
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Cosy Socks
Staying warm is considered in many cultures to be essential after any birth - with a particular focus on keeping the feet, hands, head and belly warm in order to support healing. Regardless of the season, try to keep your feet covered and warm.
Nice Smells
Scent can be such a powerful tool to support you through emotionally and physically challenging moments. Whether it’s an oil burner, room spray or favourite incense, good smells can feel really supportive.
Belly Oil
Give your belly / womb some time and love with massage or intentional touch. Connecting with this part of your body after loss can bring up a lot of emotions - the womb space can hold long-held stagnant energy / emotions / trauma - so go gently and be mindful of what may arise. My partner purchased me Thornhill Lane Biodynamics Tummy Butter while I was still pregnant, and I continue to use this now after birth. It has such a beautiful, herbal smell and feels really nourishing on my skin. Being Belly Oil is another lovely product, and comes in a handy pump bottle.
Tarot
Tarot is something I’ve always been drawn to, and have found particularly reassuring through times of change and upheaval- but it wasn’t until I came across Sophia of Southern Spells that I realised it’s potential as a tool to transmute grief and loss. I have a few decks that I practice with, and I love this one by Small Spells.
Ceramic Mug
I find that a sturdy mug always feels grounding and comforting in my hands. Not only does it feel great to hold, it also elevates your daily tea, tonic or cacao to an intentional ritual. This mug is by Melbourne / Naarm artist Kristen Olds who creates her ceramic vessels and objects using clay foraged on Wurundjeri land.
Cramp Control
Cramping and contractions are a common part of an early birth experience - and while the intensity of these is subjective and variable from person to person, having some tools on hand to help ease them is wise. While I did manage without this tincture during my early birth, I think having trusted herbal supports on hand - as well as a tincture to help curb excessive bleeding - are essential items that I’ll now keep in my birth toolkit.
Note: My own approach to have an unmedicated, intervention free early birth at home was my informed choice, and this may differ from your own. How you plan, manage and call in support for your early birth will be up to you, and there is no one way to go about it. If you do choose to give birth at home - both with or without medical intervention - it’s important to have an awareness of the physiological processes, as well as how you are coping with discomfort, pain and blood loss. Knowing when to seek clinical support, and how you would like to access these should they become necessary is also important.
Herbal Supports
Another herbal ally to nourish and support the womb after an early birth, is the ever reliable, uterus loving red raspberry leaf. Mère Botanicals do a great one (see below), but you can also grab some bulk loose leaf from Southern Light Herbs and make your own blend.
Steam Stool
Pelvic steaming - a nourishing ritual that can be incorported at various throughout the menstrual cycle and after birth. I purchased my personal stool (which is a similar style to the one seen below) from Wild Madre and I LOVE it. And while investing in a handmade stool is well worth it, you dont need to fork out much cash to set up your own steam ritual - Yinova offers some DIY instructions here to get you started.
Ritual Candle
A staple for any ritual or ceremony, candles can create moments of softness, intention and warmth. Lighting a candle for yourself or in solidarity with others who have experienced pregnancy and baby loss, can also create connection within an experience that can often feel isolating. If you are birthing in the hospital where open flames are not permitted, you might want to bring a flameless candle or salt lamp to create a similar ambiance.
Notebook / Journal
For those who like to put pen to paper, a journalling or writing practice can help document what’s coming up for you through this experience - and can also be tangible object for self reflection.
Literary Companion
‘Bearing the Unbearable’ explores how grief can open our hearts to connection, compassion, and the very essence of our shared humanity, and Cacciatore’s latest book ‘Grieving is Loving’ makes an additional reassuring companion on the path of grief and loving. I found Cacciatore’s writing to be a much needed healing balm after my first pregnancy loss, and needless to say it will always have a place in my heart (and my bookshelf).
17.2.2023
